Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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