Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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