No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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