i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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