final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
