Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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