peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Blood and glitter go together right?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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