He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize