people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
