dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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