its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
