Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
