i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
