I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize