my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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