the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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