im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Randomize
