She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
