is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
