I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
