so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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