Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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