We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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