What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
