im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize