And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
