did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
the liver wants what the liver wants
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
