that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
