I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
it was like eating out sand paper
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Floor bacon is actually really good
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
