Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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