I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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