the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
