Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
