no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize