Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
