And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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