the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
