just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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