laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
