Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
