woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
