I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
