Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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