i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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