Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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