I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
