what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize