You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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