True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize