That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
