Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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