I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
