How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
