I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
