It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
