have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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