I'm eating all of the evidence.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My ass is underappreciated
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
