imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
