My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
