I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize