Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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