i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
