i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
