I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
