i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
