Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
