She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
