Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
