I just pynch a tree in the face
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
