they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
