True but thats because hes a fetus.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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