I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
