singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
