Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
