Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
