just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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