Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
