And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
