Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
