i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
