history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
