I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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