Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
