i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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