so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
