I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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