That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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