My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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