wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
