I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
