Me. At least after what I've been through.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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