saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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