You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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