I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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