This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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