Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
