I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
