They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't put those talents on a resume
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
